We'll have a clothes rail near the entrance to drop your costumes off. Ask a member of staff if you can't find it.

There'll also be somewhere to drop off wedding cards (if you've brought one).

Just a reminder, please don't buy us gifts - if you do want to gift us something just pop us some money in a card for the honeymoon (it's not expected though).

If you have already bought something we will of course be grateful and won't be upset with you, it's very kind of you.

There is parking at the venue but it is limited, so make sure if you're driving to get there with plenty of time to spare.

Ceremony starts at 2:00PM, so get yourself upstairs and get your arse on a seat.

There's not a seating plan for the ceremony so pop yourself down wherever, but not the reserved seats, c'mon stop being silly now!!

Getting chuffin' married aren't we

We're too poor to hire a venue that has a seperate dining space so the (amazing) staff will have to turn things around after the ceremony.

Get out of their way and get yourself downstairs for a pint (or a draught espresso martini, yes, you read that correctly)

We'll be swanning off to have photos taken, so behave, and entertain yourselves.

The main event guys and dolls!

Get to your seats (there will be a seating plan on the day) and get comfy.

Tonights toasts & speeches will be hosted by the blonde haired, blue eyed, stunnin', Levi Bond (cheers to Levi).

Firstly, we're (Lew & Kieran if that's not clear) going to sashay back in to the room to a 'trendy' song, and you're going to spin napkins around in the air and cheer and stuff.

Hopefuly the speeches are not boring. If they are...well I guess take it out on the people doing them and leave me alone.

Just be nice, it's cost us a lot of bloody money this has, Sandra.

Basically it's dinner with dinner food and not breakfast food but because it's a wedding they call it breakfast and not dinner.

Your food choices will be on the back of your name cards if you've forgotten what you chose, stop stressing out, Jesus....

The staff need to turn things around again for the night do, so get downstairs and get your halloween clobber on!

Try to not get too elaborate with your costumes as there isn't a ton of spaces and time to get crazy with it.

Please don't make arrangements to go back to your hotel to get changed, it'll wreak havoc on timings if everyone's late getting back.

Your options are to get changed in the toilets (there are 3) like a stripper after a long shift.

Also, we will have a caravan in the car park for people to get changed in (this isn't a joke by the way). Just be concious of how much time you're spending in there, as there are 50 odd people needing to change (you selfish little girl).

Alternatively, you can whip your kit off in the corner of the venue (the hot & sexy option).

If you're doing makeup there'll be tables downstairs for you to make use of. We'll try and have a couple of mirrors handy for people to use.

Once changed you can store your clothes on the rail you hung your costumes on earlier in the day.

You don't have to get changed into a costume, but you'll look like a massive spoil sport if you don't (just slap a wig on, c'mon now).

FYI - There will be a cash prize for 'best dressed' for anyone that doesn't know.

Day guests - remember these guys haven't been drinking all day so go easy on them. Start making your way upstairs before the band starts playing and grab yourself (another) drink.

Night guests - your dress code ideally is fancy dress, just come a bit 'goth' and/or 'spooky' if you're too shy.

The first dance will be happening somewhere around this time, so bear this in mind if you're outside vaping (because you'll distract me as I probably will be too lol)

Have a drink, have a dance...do what you want now really.

The DJ might take requests (haven't decided yet) but I'm warning you there will be an extensive list of banned artists and songs if they are.

I'm looking at you Zara, with your ABBA.

We'll have a photobooth (kind of) a candyfloss and popcorn station and a band on, so hopefully you'll have plenty to do.

Start thinking about getting a taxi and finishing up your drink. I need to go to bed.

Ubers are going to be your best bet and should come pretty quickly, so make sure you've got the app downloaded and setup in advance.

I can't vouch for them or their prices, but I've found a few taxi firms you can try if you're stuck or can't use Uber:

• Baildon Taxi's - 01274 580159
• Arrow Cars Shipley - 01274 809444
• Shipley Central Taxies - 01274 595959

It's over folks....thanks for coming